Jenni Davidssons blogg

Anyway, I haven't updated in a while... A year nearly. 

But sometimes you forget, sometimes you feel like writing things but they may be too personal. Sometimes you feel like writing, maybe even start a draft, but feel like "who is ever gonna read this and find it interesting?" apart from mom of course. 

I feel like there's so much on my mind, so many things have happened good and bad, mainly good apart from just recently. But I should consider myself lucky in these times and should be grateful for everything. 

But then of course I find myself wanting more and more, or wanting different. And I wonder is it wrong for me to long for more?

When working at Panduro I wanted more too, I wanted more money first of all; greed. But even when I worked there I said to friends and Joel, "even if I won the money so I wouldn't have to work another day of my life, I would still wanna work here, here and there, maybe once a week or something like that, cus I love my job". When you've tried around 20 different jobs in your life, you know when it is right. 

My dad always say "you should have your job as your hobby and your hobby as your job". Panduro has been the closest thing to that so far.

Now working elsewhere, my heart is dying. And I should be grateful to have a job in these times, but I can't do anything but long to go back there. I feel such anxiety about going to work and dread going to sleep knowing I'm one step closer to the next time I work and feeling one step further from Panduro.

I'm wishing for lockdown right now. But I don't think it will happen. I wish for a break from everything where I don't have to think and plan where I can just be and breathe. I'm also so terrified on a daily basis when I work, I'm so scared to get the virus or to transfer it to someone I love. I hate that I have to put myself at risk every day I'm working, when other people can work from home. I can't do my work from home and if I want the money I have to go

So am I wrong for wanting more/something else? Am I greedy? What does it say about me? 

Over and out 

Xoxo